Happy Birthday Chuck Norris!

I know most of you have heard of Chuck Norris. If you haven't you've probably been living under a rock for the past 20 years. He is pretty much awesome personified. Well, the man himself is turning 71 today, so in honor of his birthday, I've decided to post my top 16 favorite Chuck Norris Facts (why 16 you ask? because Chuck Norris is too awesome to be contained in only 15):

  1. Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
  2. Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
  3. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
  4. Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
  5. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris. 
  6. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
  7. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
  8. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
  9. If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
  10. Helen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris 
  11. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
  12. Chuck norris does not sleep. he waits
  13. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
  14. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
  15. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
  16. On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun
Happy Birthday Chuck!

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