For Zach... (how far I've come...)

Wow. Today my littlest-little guy turns 2. For our family, today is a day of celebration (and loud, annoying gifts), but for me personally, it’s a day of reflection.

It’s been an eventful 2 years. Frankly, I’ve lost a lot. A father figure (cancer), a husband (divorce), and an internal organ (emergency gallbladder removal). I’ve had to move back in with my mother (which was awesome, cause she’s awesome. But it still wasn’t "fun", none the less). I’ve had to deal with the court system and debt collectors. I’ve even had a mini-nervous breakdown.

But everything I’ve gained through the past 2 years have been so amazing, so wonderful, that all of the bad things don’t seem that bad. I’ve reclaimed my life. I’ve found the freedom and support that I was missing for so many years. I’ve been able to hang out with my mom, brother, uncle and grandma as much as I want. I’ve learned new things, and rekindled old loves. And with my new-found love I’ve been able to settle down into a new home, and a life style that suits us and our family. I’ve got the creative juices flowing again, and now I not only have an outlet to BE creative, but I’ve got a partner to be creative WITH! He really has been my inspiration.

The best part about the time I’ve spent with my family and friends has been my kids. I’ve seen first steps, first words, first smiles, the first time my little guy said mommy (and he hasn’t stopped saying it since lol). I’ve seen my older son start school, learn to read, and make his first friends. I really think I have the two coolest little boys ever. Seriously. Without them to keep me going, I would have never made it so far.

My now fiancĂ© told me that when he reconnected with me last year, I was a mere spark of the woman I used to be. He said that I once burned with passion for life, and that I had been just going through the motions of living for so long that there was nothing left but a hollow shell. I had gotten so far away from myself that I didn’t even recognize who was looking at me in the mirror.

I’ve found myself again. I know that sounds clichĂ©, but I feel more like myself now then I have since high school.

So yes, today is a day for celebration. Not just for my wonderful little boy who is the light of my life, but for me. For finding the light inside of me again. Today I say HURRAY!!

I hope all of you are able to find the light and love in yourselves and embrace it fully!!

...and Happy Birthday Zachariah! :D


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